This is the Way the World Ends
by QueenOfStarTrek
Summary: James T. Kirk is, understandably, terrified of death. He fears his own death and the deaths of those he cares about. But when a new pharmaceutical company designs a medicine that will prolong human life, essentially resulting in immortality, will it be the end to Jim's nightmares, or just the beginning? Post-Into Darkness, K/S (slow build)


_Chapter 1: Vitalis Supremo_

 **A/N: Hello, everyone. This fic was inspired by the amazing fic by XIIVA, THE SIMULATION. I highly recommend XIIVA's works. This is my first fanfic, so please comment your thoughts below. ~^_^~**

"Jim, I don't understand how you can eat this stuff."

Leonard McCoy made a disgusted face at the pizza sitting in front of him, covered in anchovies, banana peppers, pineapple, bacon, and, of course, cheese.

James Kirk picked up a cheesy slice and pointed it at his friend. "Bones, this pizza is amazing. Plus it's got all the food groups. Fish, vegetables, fruit, red meat, and dairy. Don't you always say I need to eat healthier?"

"Grease covered carbohydrates are not what I had in mind," the doctor replied sullenly, blotting the pizza with napkins. "Your physical is coming up, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you fail again."

Jim scowled at the table, remembering the first physical he had when he'd been released from the hospital after Khan's blood saved his life. He passed every section of the physical with flying colors, except for the running portion. Ten minutes in, he passed out on the track and got a nasty concussion.

"In my defense, I should've been taking it slower. Sprinting for twenty solid minutes might be my norm, but I wasn't in the best condition. I should've jogged and passed the stupid thing. But this time, I'll be ready."

"Damn right. I'm getting sick of shore leave, and the sooner you're cleared, the sooner we can go back into the hellhole called space. There's no point being planetside when I'm not allowed to see my own damn daughter."

With a huge mouthful of pizza, Jim asked, "Jocelyn still giving you a hard time?"

McCoy sighed. "Of course she is. Shore leave is never long enough for me to actually go through the system and get the rights to see Joanna, so she holds that against me. She's the devil, I swear-"

A loud beep from Jim's pocket interrupted McCoy's rant. "That's my comm, one sec. Oh, hey, Spock wants to know if we've seen the news lately. Well actually his exact words were 'Have you or Doctor McCoy recently observed any form of mass media?'"

"I wonder why he would ask that. Turn on the holovision, Jim."

Jim took his plate, now devoid of pizza, to the sink in his apartment's kitchen. As a temporary home, the apartment was mostly utilitarian, but it had a house comm and holovision in every room, plus any furnishings or necessities he needed. He turned the holovision to San Francisco's main news outlet.

" _-here first, folks. The DreamMakers lab group announced today that they've developed an anti-aging drug that will extend the lifespan, making the recipient practically immortal while also increasing our healing, durability, and immunity. This is a date that will forever be remembered."_

" _You're sure right about that, Tom. However, this begs the question: how will this affect later generations? Immortality can lead to so many issues: overpopulation, inbreeding in later years, relative time reduction, and mental decay. Do we share this with other species? If not, we paint a target on our backs. This is very risky-"_

"Good God, Jim! Immortality? Has everyone lost their minds?!"

Jim couldn't stop smiling at the television. "This is _awesome_! Bones, could you imagine? We would never have to worry about getting old! We could spend forever exploring space, discovering new technology, and we would never look any different or feel like we were going downhill. This could be the best thing that's ever happened to mankind."

"Jim, think about what you're saying. There are so many possible issues with immortality. Not to mention the drug they've cooked up. God knows what it does to you. It's not worth living forever if you lose your humanity in the process."

McCoy had a point, but James Tiberius Kirk watched the screen with optimism and excitement. Living forever was a fantasy that almost everyone had. To think that he could live that fantasy was exhilarating.

 _And if I take that drug, my crew and I will never be separated,_ he thought. _We would never have to live without each other. And Spock wouldn't outlive me..._

Truthfully, since Jim's near death experience, he had been worrying about death a lot; more than was probably healthy. He had nightmares about burning from the inside out, separated from his best friends, knowing he was going to die and they would live on without him. He had nightmares about the people he knew suffering the same fate, but the one death that truly haunted him to watch was Spock's. Seeing the light leave Spock's eyes, knowing now what they meant to each other…. It was unbearable.

Since Spock cried at Jim's death, since Jim had woken in the hospital room to dark brown eyes worrying over him, their camaraderie morphed into a wonderful friendship that Jim couldn't imagine living without. But inevitably, Spock would outlive him, except that there was an option two now.

It would definitely keep the nightmares at bay.

In a hotel suite less than a mile away, Spock watched the holovision in quiet admiration. Though Vulcans were supposed to have the superior intellect, the Terrans had managed to find immortality first. Not that the Vulcans really had the opportunity for such involved research, what with the needs of the new colony being held above all else. Immortality was an abstract concept, a dream; not worthy of any Vulcans' attention currently.

But what if this immortality could work on the surviving Vulcans? Spock felt a surge in pride towards the human race at the thought. If granted immortality, the chances of the Vulcan race rebuilding to its previous standing were astronomically higher.

Spock was, of course, also thinking of possible drawbacks to the drug. He agreed with the news anchor's list of possible problems. But in the face of rebuilding a race...it would be worth any complications.

He picked up his communicator and texted the Captain, whom he knew would appreciate the revolutionary development. Several minutes later, he got a reply.

 _ **Message from CAPTAIN KIRK:**_

 **Spock this is AWESOME, you have to come over right now, I've called all of the senior bridge crew too, we all need to talk ASAP about this. LIVING FOREVER WOULD BE AWESOME.**

Spock's lips twitched at the excitement of his Captain's message. Jim was certainly the right person to comm about this, and Spock basked in his excitement.

Within the hour, Jim's small living room was full of the Enterprise's bridge crew. Chekov and Sulu were talking about what they would do with all the free time immortality would provide-

"Think of how amazing my fencing skills could be if I had forever to train and learn?"

"Ah, but eweryone could do ze same, and you vould newer be ze best. I vould study more, get degrees in ewery science field!"

-while Uhura and Scotty argued about the benefits and disadvantages-

"I could try every sandwich in the world, lassy. How can ye say it's not a good thing to live forever? I don' know about you, but I'm not fond of dyin', especially after watching Jim go."

"Everyone wants to live forever, but at what cost? McCoy never mentioned the research into this new drug. It sounds sketchy to me. I can't be excited until we know more about it."

-when Jim called everyone to order.

"Guys! You know why I've called you here today," he began, placing bowls of snacks on the coffee table. "The news says immortality is an option now, which is really too good to believe. But it's real. And I don't know about all of you, but I'm pretty excited about it!"

Chekov, Sulu, and Scotty all cheered in agreement, while McCoy and Uhura looked sullen. Spock said nothing, but his eyes were shining with excitement.

"Honestly this was kind of an excuse to get everyone together again, because with the extended shore leave, it's been too long since I've seen your ugly faces," Jim admitted with a smile. "But I want us all to talk about this immortality business. What're your opinions? I wanna hear 'em. Chekov, what about you?"

Chekov stood up and cleared his throat. "Keptin, I am wery excited about zis. I understand ze possible problems, but ze benefits far outveigh zem. Imagine ze knowledge and ze advancements zat could arise. It is incredible."

"I'm not the 'keptin' right now. I'm your friend. But I agree. Nyota?"

Uhura scowled at Jim for using her first name, but didn't comment. "I think it's dangerous. We know nothing about the drug, how it works, long term effects. And we know nothing about immortality. Trust me, I would love to be first in line to live forever, but it would be irresponsible not to wait for more information before changing our lives in such a drastic way."

"She's right, Jim," McCoy agreed. "I know you're into recklessness and idiocy, but please be reasonable. This isn't a holoshow, dammit, this is human life we're talking about! Maybe alien life too, I don't know much about this new drug. But we can't just be immortal without worrying about the consequences. Life is a delicate thing-"

"You don't think I know that?" Jim stared at his friend, excitement replaced with steely resolution. "I died, Bones. I know we don't like talking about it because it was scary but it happened. I was actually dead. For a few hours-"

"Six hours, 42 minutes, and 17 seconds, Captain," Spock corrected. Everyone glanced at him for a moment before looking back to Jim.

"Thank you. But call me Jim when we're off duty, Spock. Anyways. I was dead for almost 7 hours. I felt what it's like to die. I remember it everyday. I dream about it. It happened. I know how delicate life is. But I also know it's very short, shorter than you might think. I just want to know that everyone I care about is safe. I want to know that everyone is healthy, that everyone will live a long and prosperous life. I know what it's like to die, and I would give anything to know that no one I care about will face that."

The crew stared at their Captain, mesmerized by his sudden confession. Uhura looked teary-eyed, and even Spock looked sad.

Bones clapped a hand on Jim's shoulder. "Okay, Jim. I understand where you're coming from. But let me run some tests, okay? Before you go and make yourself immortal, before _any_ of you do, let me make sure this stuff is safe. Alright? It's my job to take care of your asses."

"Doctor McCoy, it is your duty to care for every part of us, not only our posteriors," Spock chimed in. Jim smiled at the joke, while everyone else seemed to think Spock was dead serious.

"Pointy-eared bastard…"

"My parents were married at the time of my conception, I assure you."

The tension in the room abated as everyone enjoyed the banter between their chief medical officer and resident Vulcan. It felt almost normal again, with two key differences. First, Jim wasn't laughing, but simply smiling. Second, Spock was careful to watch Jim's reaction out of the corner of his eye.

Maybe it would never be the same as it was before Khan, but it was a start.

Eventually, the crew members began to leave. First Scotty, who had plans to go out for drinks with Keenser. Then Chekov and Sulu, who were both tired and lived in the same building, and so they shared a cab home. Uhura kissed Spock goodbye and confirmed their dinner date for the next night before departing. McCoy left earlier than he wanted to go over some legal information on how to see Joanna, but only after making absolutely sure Jim would be okay without him. And that left Jim and Spock together, enjoying a companionable silence.

"Tonight was fun, right?" Jim asked a few minutes after the doctor left.

Spock almost literally bit his tongue to stop himself from saying something about Vulcans being unable to have fun. "Yes, it was an interesting topic of discussion, and many varying opinions made the debate insightful."

Jim smiled. "I'm glad you thought so. But you were relatively quiet about the whole thing. What's your take on it?"

Spock hesitated. It was a very brief flash of hesitation, but clear to Jim's watchful eyes nonetheless.

"If you don't wanna talk about it, that's fine, Spock. I understand."

"No, Captain, you offered your thoughts on the topic. It is only fair that I do the same."

Jim nodded and watched as Spock shifted slightly, probably thinking about how to word his opinion, which was unusual and fascinating.

"I share your opinion on the matter, with little variation. I am hopeful that this immortality will prevent the deaths of those I am close to. I also wonder if it will be applicable to Vulcan biology, in which case it could prove invaluable to the surviving Vulcans. I am not typically so resolute, and yet I cannot help but feel a positive anticipation in regards to this medicine."

"Wow, Spock! You and I agree on something for once? This is a miracle. Today will definitely be a historical day, immortality be damned!" Jim's teasing made Spock feel comfortable enough to continue on the topic.

"Captain, you will recall that I watched you die. I was unable to prevent your death, and I could not refrain from watching. I remember your fear, I remember your agony. I occasionally have nightmares from this event. To know that neither you nor any of the other crew members will have to experience this would put my mind at ease."

"Spock, I don't know what to say." Jim saw no emotion in Spock's dark eyes. "Besides to call me Jim, since this is a social situation rather than professional. But that goes without saying."

"I apologize...Jim," Spock corrected, looking away.

"I have nightmares too," Jim almost whispered, but it was not too quiet for Vulcan ears.

"There is something I have kept to myself regarding the events that lead to your demise, Jim. Spock Prime divulged to me that in his timeline, it was he that went into the warp core and died, and not his Captain. In this way I feel that I failed you."

"Spock, you did everything you could-"

"I did not. It is my duty as your First Officer to protect you, and yet I failed. I clearly did something wrong, or I would have perished in your place. I failed you as your First Officer and as your friend."

Jim shook his head. "That's not true. Our timeline is very different from Spock Prime's. Maybe I was meant to die in ours. You're not being very logical right now, Mr. Vulcan."

"Logic is based upon the absence of emotion. I am half human, and in relation to your death, I feel the very human emotion of guilt. It is suffocating."

James Tiberius Kirk was not a very cautious man. He was reckless and it usually worked in his favor. So he stared at Spock and simply said, "Show me."

Spock's eyes snapped to his. "You do not comprehend what you are asking."

"I do. I melded with Spock Prime on Delta Vega. Maybe if we meld, I can help you move past the guilt. Maybe you can help me with my nightmares. Maybe it won't help at all. But nothing bad can come out of it, Spock, and it could do us both a lot of good."

Spock wasn't in the best frame of mind. He was deeply saddened by the fear he could sense in Jim, and by his own guilt at knowing he could've prevented that fear from existing. Jim's blue eyes were so sure that melding was the solution to their inner turmoil, and Spock could not find a reason to disagree.

"Are you sure this is what you desire, Captain?"

"Yes, and for God's sake you're about to meld with me, call me Jim."

Spock ignored the last part and raised his left hand to Jim's psi points. "My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts…"

 _Everything was gray. Jim was standing on a gray floor, under a plain gray ceiling. He was in jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt, his favorite casual outfit. Spock was across from him in traditional Vulcan robes, a deep blue color that contrasted nicely with his dark hair and light skin._

" _This is what your mind looks like?" Jim asked, curious._

" _Yes. It is the mindscape I have developed. It has recently changed into what you see now," Spock explained, hands neatly together behind his back._

" _This is really boring, Spock."_

 _Jim felt a slight emotion in response to his words, perhaps a bit of insult that was quickly snuffed out._

" _I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, honestly. But you're a really interesting person. I just thought your mind would reflect that. Uniformly gray is just so bland. Why not make the ceiling a stormy sky?"_

 _As soon as Jim thought of a sky of gray clouds, the mindscape changed. Above him was a limitless expanse of varying gray clouds, as if it would storm soon._

" _Whoa! How did I do that?" Jim stared at the new sky in delight._

 _Spock observed him bemusedly. "I am not certain. You should not be able to affect my mindscape in such a manner."_

 _Jim shrugged, seeming to focus on something very hard. Spock could feel his thoughts of soft green grass, and almost immediately, the gray floor was replaced with grass._

" _This is great!" Jim took his shoes off and ran the grass through his toes. "I love this place."_

 _Just as Spock felt Jim's delight, Jim felt Spock's pride. Spock was illogically proud of Jim's positivity toward the mindscape._

" _I know we're gonna talk about our deep seated issues from my tragic death, but can we do it laying in the grass?" Jim asked with an innocent smile._

" _Of course, Jim." Spock sat down and leaned back, relaxing in spite of himself. The sky was fascinating, and the grass was very soft._

 _They laid in the grass, maybe a foot apart, breathing evenly._

 _Unsurprisingly, Jim broke the silence. "I dream that I'm dying again. That's the most common one. Maybe it's a touch of PTSD, I don't know. But that isn't the worst dream."_

 _Jim didn't continue, but Spock could easily tap into his thoughts. Spock watched all of his friends die in the warp core, and the image of Spock dying came last but lingered longer than the rest._

" _I'm sick of worrying, Spock. I know they won't die like I did, but I'm so scared to lose anyone. I lost a lot of people once, a long time ago, and I don't think I could go through it again. I really don't."_

 _Spock wondered what Jim was talking about, but he chose not to look. After all, it was not his business._

" _You are aware I understand monumental loss." Spock tried not to picture his planet's implosion, or his mother falling out of his reach, but he was sure Jim saw the glimpses that slipped through. "I watched billions of lives be wiped from existence. Yet my mother's death was the basis for most of my grief. I miss her every day. At the time, she was one of the only people I cared for. Yet serving on the Enterprise has changed that. I care for Nyota, and Mr. Scott, and Mr. Sulu, and Mr. Chekov, and Doctor McCoy. I care for you, Jim."_

 _Jim let the feeling of friendship emanating from Spock wash over him. It was nice to be cared for._

" _I care for many people now. This simply means I have more to lose. I dream about losing you all. It is terrifying. I cannot help but be illogically frightened by the unknown fragility of life."_

 _Jim sighed and plucked at the grass absentmindedly. "Immortality will make life less fragile, by a longshot. I won't worry about losing my friends, or the impact of my own death on those I care about. It'll make the basis for both of our nightmares obsolete."_

 _Neither of them said anything for a while, feeling the desperation and hope they each shared mixing together._

 _Jim yawned. "What time is it?"_

" _I am not as exact when in the mindscape, but it is approximately 1:30."_

" _Oh wow, no wonder I'm so tired. We should probably get some sleep. But it's so peaceful here."_

" _I admit your changes to the mindscape were agreeable."_

" _Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Spock. But really, how do we end the meld?"_

" _It will take a moment for me to collect my mental self and feel one with my physical body, at which point I will be able to remove my fingers from your psi points, ending the meld."_

" _Okay, sounds good," Jim said, but his emotions betrayed him. He was afraid._

" _The process is painless, I assure you."_

" _Dammit, you felt that? I'm not afraid of it hurting, Spock. I know you'd never hurt me. At least not anymore. The first time was brutal enough to last an eternity."_

" _I am deeply sorry for my actions that day, Jim."_

" _It's fine. We both know I deserved it."_

" _What are you afraid of?"_

 _Jim sighed, mentally and physically. "I'm afraid of nightmares, to be honest. I hate sleeping anymore."_

 _Spock paused for a moment. Then, before he could think twice, he asked, "Would you like to sleep in the mindscape?"_

" _Don't you have somewhere to be?" Jim laughed nervously._

" _No, not until 7:30 tomorrow night. I have no other obligations."_

 _Jim swallowed and looked at Spock. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but if he was able to sleep for once..._

" _If it's not imposing, sure."_

" _No nightmares will come to you here. I promise," Spock assured him._

 _Jim smiled and folded his arm under his head as a pillow. "Thanks, Spock. It'll be nice to get some real sleep for once."_

" _Of course, Jim. Goodnight."_

" _Goodnight."_

 _Spock knew that to make good on his promise of acting as a humanoid dream catcher, he could not sleep. But as he watched Jim fall asleep and innocence fall over Jim's features, he decided it was a worthy cause._

 _After all, what are friends for?_


End file.
